“Borderline, Borderline between what and what?!” – Winona Ryder (Girl, Interrupted)

Borderline Personality Disorder is really an outdated term, it doesn’t actually specify the struggle that defines a group of people, like myself. The more updated term Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder is a much more accurate description of the condition.

I was diagnosed in 2017, and if I am honest, I thought it was some wishy washy quack bullsh*t. Around 3 or 4 years later, I began researching the condition. It’s far more than just a diagnosis. It’s an explanation for years of torment, one experienced all their lives.

Growing up, I was obedient, for the most part. My teen years were draped in a veneer of pathological deceit. The mundane life I actually led, fell deeply short of what I wanted it to be. So what I fantasized about became my fantasy life.

I graduated to more lessening behaviour, that only diminished an already deflated young ego.

I began drinking…

Taking drugs…

Engaging in illegal behaviours…

I was self-harming…

I acted like a young woman gone mad!

I felt so much guilt. For so long, and still do! Not that the diagnosis annulled my negative and destructive behaviour. It simply gave me a foundation of understanding of why I would do such things.

At this stage, around one year of attempting to heal, I am around a third way in, maybe less, and I feel like I can accept the lunatic I have been all my life. I don’t hate it like I used to. I just accept it. Part of the reason it is successful, at least in part, is the fact I am being honest, about who I am. And unapologetically so – at least out loud!

Healing is also about improving self-image and self-belief. Those are the important definitions of a person. ❤️